Sunday, February 19, 2012

Today is a good day for change

I saw him today. Walking down the road, right toward the car I was in. His casual, unconfident stride matched his oversized peacoat. Blue on leash and his smile taped to his face. Who knew what it meant. I did not look him in the eye. I know I looked at his face. I couldn't escape it. I threw up my hand, a slight wave. I feel so numb about it and yet confident about my future. Good programming. But I came home and wanted to call him sooooo bad.

OH NO! I'm in it. I'm back in it. The fog, the haze, the hurt. The sadness, confusion, loss. Ouch ouch ouch!!! I just finished the Lord of the Rings triology tonight and realized - the ending sucked. I don't give a shit about the whole thing - just make the ending count. Make it worthy of the time I took to watch it. Make the ending a good one. And it wasn't.

My house is full of papers that I can't seem to throw away. Well, they won't throw themselves away. Today is a good day for change.

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