Making it

a lot of my friends are happily settling in with their significant others. If they're not married already, they are engaged or quickly approaching, counting the years of courtship on a whole hand if not more. Some have children while some are still energetic about the wedding bells ringing. My older sister who is one year older than me has two children, both of them needing both hands to count their age, 8 and 10. My older sister has been married for 11 years, she just graduated college, got a brand new car, a full time job teaching and just bought the house of her dreams. She told me recently that when she moves into her new home, she will have finally made it. I quickly asked, "if you've made it - then where the fuck am I?"

Just seconds ago, I read a facebook post by another friend who said the next four years was going to be great - she is buying a house and traveling and getting new ink and dying her hair pink again. Once she moves in, she'll be volunteering and walking her dogs everywhere.

I tried to gleam some of this optimism and started to post my status update of things I will be looking forward to within the next few years. But I stopped when I realized, I was writing a blog post - not a status update (woops). Oh, that and I got kinda pissed about the fact that I have of late, felt a little slapped around with this idea of "making it". And, how it could have something to do with having a partner. Period. I suppose that is my idea of "making it." Because when you have a partner - come what may, you have that knowing smile to come home to. That person that knows whether you've made it home or not. That person to split bills with or have them cook dinner when you've had a hard day and the last thing you can do is take care of yourself.

And it's not just because I'm going to be 30 and the thought of that number next to single knocks the wind out of me and involuntarily makes my eyes a bit leaky. No one knows what to do with 30 (who isn't 30 already) and it would just be nice to have someone to not know with. Josie totes doesn't count because she knows everything and mocks me with her secrecy.

So I need to change this idea of "making it". Like, right now. Because, I am making it. I have a fucking awesome job, and a free lance DESIGN client who I'm designing a family room for-- a PAYING client. I have a personal trainer, friends in Palm springs and New York and Japan asking me to visit. I don't have to have roommates, I own my car and in 6 months (if I can just stay on the wagon) I'll be credit card debt free! I have awesome friends, fabulous sisters, the best nephews this Auntie could ask for. Plus, I live in Portland. I'd say...I'm making it. In order to have "made it" my ultimate goals now are buying a house. A very very similar goal to my older sister. I guess timing is everything.

It's just facebook anyway.